Wish I still had the nursing home story...

[Steel Fire]

I wish, I wish.
Of course I could try to rewrite it.

Wish the Christmas story was still floating around too.

[IceManYurt]

hey steeli....I wish you had it to...that was funny as helll!

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[FoD] kn IceManYurt
~tFc~
MbFc *BBB*
WSW

[Falcon]

Those were hilarious

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I don't get even, I get odder.

[LONGKNIFE]

yea, those were hilarious

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LONGKNIFE(HERO/G1/A)

Here's an old one for ya...AVENGE TESTCASE!

Somewhere after midnight,In my wildest fantasy.Somewhere just beyond my reach,There's someone reaching back for me. Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat.

[AnnieOakley]

If you can recall the names of these threads let me know and I will look them up and try to get them posted for you.......

ICQ 45994888

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http://www.angelfire.com/ak3/annieo/maps.html Starsparkle Maps

[Steel Fire]

It only took me 7+ years to get around to finding this thing...woohoo for threadomancy! I got the itch to do some digging for other stuff, wandered through here, and had to go find this. Anyway... the format is pathetic, the narrative less than stellar, and I didn't fix any typos from the original, but it's funny as all get out.


The future
Steel Fire
originally posted 10-12-1999 07:09 PM

50 years from now(as in today). Picture a sunny, temperate location. A nice single story building. Looking in on the terrace at the back of the building we see many elderly people doing various things. They are engaged in various activities knitting, reading, talking, playing cards, and so on, all the things these elderly folks would do in a retirement home. And some are just sleeping, enjoying the beatiful afternoon warmth.

We see one elderly lady sitting there in her motorized wheelchair, which is what most of the patients used to get around, taking a pleasant nap. She is a relatively new arrival at the home, having only arrived five days ago. Suddenly, she snaps awake and starts yelling. "AAAAAHHHHH, Cybrids! We're under attack, everybody get to the hercs!" She turns the motorized wheelchair around and heads inside, still yelling.

Suddenly, well, as suddenly as an eighty year old man can move, a tall man stood up from his seat, leaning heavily on a cane and towering above the old lady. He spoke, "Prepare to die human\\animal."

The old lady looked up at him and replied, "Oh, and who might you be?" to which the man replied, "I am <Eater-of-Brains:First>." The old lady looked coldly at him and said, "More like <Gummer-of-Jello:One Millionth>." She finished, laughing a little, then reaching out and pulling the cane away from the older man, causing him to fall heavily back into his chair. The old man then fell face first onto the table, dying of a heart attack. The old lady turned away, cane still in hand, yelling out a kill on a cybrid Adjudicator.

Another wheelchair came tearing away from the TV area, the occupant diggng out a small tazer and attempting to zap anyone in his path. As he headed towards the old lady she smiled. As he reached her, an orderly came up, attempting to stop the pair.

"I don't know where you keep getting those stupid tazers, but give it up." He reached out and attempted to take the tazer from the old man, only to be smacked form behind on the side of his knee with the cane. He turned reflexively, only to be assaulted with the tazer, and the swatted with the cane again. Another zap from the tazer, this one near his spine, and down the orderly went. Both old people called out an exec kill.

The old man spoke first, "Nice to see you again Steely."

Smiling, "Nice to see you too PT, see you still prefer the dis."

"All right people, form up on me." The two turned to see another wheelchair come careening in from the terrace. Unfortunately, the chair caught on the edge of a carpet and promptly overturned. "Aaaaahhhh, I think I broke my hip!", the spilled occupant yelled.

The other two looked at eachother and spoke in unison, laughing, "There's Falcon."

In the midst of this bizarre scene, we see many of the other residents have taken cover under tables or headed out to the terrace, since these little tirades rarely made it outside.

Across the room, two other wheel chairs circle each other slowly. One driven by a spry, wiry old man, and the other by a slim, dark haired old lady. They eyed each other warily and continued circling, looking for a weakness.

"Why do you continue to struggle human\\animal, the Next will be victorious!" The old man simply grinned and continued .

As a few more orderlies sped into the common room, a lone figure is seen in the corner. As he twists two final wires together, the automatic doors from each wing of the residence slam shut. Sveral orderlies are stuck on the other side, banging uselessly on the doors.

As the orderlies spread out, going after the various elderly troublemakers, PT speeds off and lets fly the tazer. "Sor, catch!"

Sor momentarily takes his gaza away from necronomica to avoid being beaned by the flying tazer. Seeing the opening, Necro pushes her wheelchair forward and slams into Sor, knocking them both over. Sor starts hitting Necro, yelling, "No, Scuzzy!" Two orderlies quickly subdue the pair.

PT is racing around, two orderlies in pursuit, while he knocks chairs over, tripping one and annoying the other. Steel is using the cane to some effect and keeping an orderly at bay. While over by a floor planter, another elderly woman shouts, "Eat Shrikes you stupid glitches!", and begins lobbing pebbles at the orderlies. Over to the side, several orderlies have gotten hold of Cain and opened the automatic doors, allowing the remaining orderlies access to the common room. By the terrace doors, Falcon is trying to keep his wheel chair between him and the orderly. He of course does not have a broken hip, both hips already having been replaced with titanium joints after other crashes.

A streak comes tearing across the common room from one of the wings. An orderly grabs hold of the wheelchair, skidding it to a stop. the old man occupying the chair turns his head, revealing his face to be covered by minty blue toothpaste and grinning maniacally. The orderly is surprised, and as he is hit in the head by a large stuffed penguin, he releases the wheelchair. The wheel chair speeds off again, straight towards the center island where the head nurse is preparing syringes for the orderlies. Skidding to a stop, the strange old man says, "Helloooo Nurse!", and is pounced on by two orderlies in short order.

After more trials and tribulations, all the rebellious old people are subdued and have been administered hefty doses of sleepy juice, much to their delight. Some of the orderlies are being tended to as well, including the one taken down by PT and Steel.

Nurse: "Well, that takes care of the last of them, for now."

Orderly: *grunt* "Where the hell does he keep getting those tazers Everytime we take one away he manages to come up with another one."

Nurse: *shrugs and shakes her head in similar unknowing confusion* "Poor old Simpkins, looks like it was too much for him this time, his heart gave out, poor old man."

Orderly: *shakes head in acknowledgement* "well, looks like you owe me five bucks."

Nurse: "Oh, which one started it this time?"

Orderly: "The new one, told ya she was gonna be trouble."

Nurse: *disappointed* "Oh, and she seemed so nice, I thought for sure she was going to be a tame one."

Orderly: *sees one of the other orderlies, now former orderly, walking out the front door* "Its no wonder we have such a high turnover of staff. Why do we keep getting all these nutcases?"

Nurse: "I just don't know." *Turns back to paperwork, and tries to prepare herself for the next time.

[Paladin]

Wow this thread is OLD! And I still remember that story...good to see you still have it, SF! And it's as funny as ever.=)

I seem to keep fading in and out of here now and then (my last post here being in Jan 2007!). But I've still been writing. Have a 400+page thing (A4-size page, size 12 font. A few hundred thousand words' worth) going over at the Heroes of Ardania online text game Story Tellers' Forum, been writing it since middle of last year.

Word of caution to anyone who's curious, though: it's fantasy-based, not science fiction. But if a mix of comedy and action suits you, then go check it out.=) Story's titled the "Fabulous Four".

Gosh I've really rambled off-topic. What I wanted to say was, I posted a few SS vids on Youtube a few days ago on the Cardinal Spear. Seeing my Apoc's skin reminded my of Steely. That got me to thinking where everyone was. So I popped in again.=)

[Weatherlight]

Necromancy has been outlawed by the Arcane Sciences and Magikal Labour Union Chapter 1255. Please cease and desist in all illegal necromantic activities.

[Steel Fire]

Too bad for you I'm non-union.

Also, threadomancy does not fall under the general restrictions on necromancy, as determined by Imperial ruling in the case of Olias vs. the Arcane Sciences and Magikal Labour Union.